De-escalation Strategies

We all know the importance of being able to de-escalate or diffuse situations when working with students.  To avoid power struggles, try some of the strategies suggested by pathways2success.  

www.pathways2success.com 

Hallway Body Breaks for Antsy Kids

We know that certain students benefit from movement breaks!
Look at this fantastic way of designing hallways to serve this purpose!
Many students are able to boost their learning with these types of breaks.

                                                               YouTube Video

Thanks for sharing, Tracey Parfect!!

Sensory Processing-Great Resource

The book "Sensory Processing 101 by Dayna Abraham, ClaireHeffron, Pamela Braley and Lauren Drobnjak. is a great resource for enabling us to better understand how children's' bodies process the world around them.  Relevent resources include:  top websites, books and communities for support, cheat sheets for all 7 of your senses, reference uides or sensory doughs, bins and bottles, red flag behaviour checklists and more.

Anger is not Rudeness

From Michael Reist:

Being angry is not being rude. Anger is an emotion. Rudeness is intentional offence. Disagreeing with what you say is not “giving attitude.” It is a difference of opinion.

Children have as much right to their feelings and opinions as we do.

Sometimes we accept our own anger and opinions as legitimate and shut down our children’s. We come to believe that unquestioning obedience is a virtue. We may have learned this from our family of origin. We certainly learned it at school where unquestioning obedience to authority is totally expected.  

We want to raise children who are capable of expressing their feelings and opinions. Unquestioning obedience is not good for one’s personal development nor for a democratic society. We need people who have the courage to talk back and say what they really think and feel – in healthy, constructive ways. Anger can be a motivator for personal change and social change. 

Feelings can be messy. That’s OK. 

We are comfortable with the light end of the emotional spectrum, but we often have a problem with the “dark” end. We deny difficult feelings like anger – both in ourselves and in our children. Repressed anger will come out in other ways. In males it comes out as emotional numbing, addiction and high-risk behaviour. In females, it comes out as depression. Boys act out. Girls act in.

We need to listen to our own anger and that of our children. Anger is a message from the soul: A boundary has been violated. An expectation has not been met. Something needs to change. Children learn how to deal with anger by watching us deal with ours.

3 Questions to ask yourself about your own anger:

1. Do I express my feelings in healthy ways? Remember the “Don’t freak out rule.” When you freak out, you send a message to your children – don’t bring me your “stuff” because I won’t be able to handle it. I will freak out and make the situation worse. 
2. Am I aware of my own emotional state?  Do I let my feelings about something else (my boss, my job, my life) affect my functioning with my children? Do I let my child’s anger trigger my own repressed anger?
3. Is this the best time to talk about this? Is my best self going to come out right now or am I likely to say something hurtful? Children hear with their hearts. “Mom’s mad. I’m bad.” Take a time out and come back to it later.

Anger can lead people to say rude things and do things that hurt others. The freedom to express your anger ends where the rights of others begins. Say what you feel. Control what you do. You can’t hit your little brother. You can’t call me names.

10 Ways to help you and your child express their anger in healthy ways: 

1. Use “I messages.” Talk about how you feel. Don’t attack the other person.
2. Cry (especially relevant for older boys)
3. Hit something (not a person and don’t break things)
4. Move (walk, run, ride your bike, play basketball)
5. Express yourself through art: draw, play an instrument, write
6. Breathe
7. Listen to music
8. Count to 10 (out loud so people know to stand back)
9. Walk away
10. Take a time out and come back to the topic when you’re not angry

Finally, at the end of a bad day, rebuild the interpersonal bridge by making nurturing contact with your child. The next day, push the reset button. No grudges or references to the past.

Anger is like a storm that passes. A storm can nourish life or it can be destructive. Which one it will be depends on how we respond.

Great Tiips and Strategies around Screen Time

Transitioning - The Mother of All Battles

View this email in your browser

Transitioning - The Mother of All Battles   Having counselled hundreds of families over the years, here is the top 10 list of problem-causing times in the day.  Coming off screens (In fact, this one is often related to all the rest) Waking up and getting out of bed Getting out the door in the morning Getting ready for bed Falling asleep Coming to the table for dinner Leaving to go somewhere Leaving somewhere to come home Starting homework Mondays (or the first few days back after a longer holiday) What do all of these moments have in common? Each one involves a TRANSITION from one area of focus to another. Research shows that boys find it harder to transition between tasks than girls do. Boys are more prone to hyper-focusing which makes disengaging from an activity much harder. 10 Things you can do to prevent battles? Give warnings: “We’re leaving in 15 minutes…We’re leaving in 10 minutes…We’re leaving in 5 minutes.” Allow for delays: If you know you have to be out the door by 8:15, make it very clear that you have to be out the door by 8:00! Mental rehearsal: “This is what’s going to happen today.” Walk your child through events the way you want them to go. Let kids in on the plan. They want to know what is going to happen. Anticipate transitions: Know what your family’s “problem times” are and be ready to manage them rationally – without letting your emotions take over. Discuss the problem: Talk about the “problem times” when everyone’s in a good mood, not in the heat of the moment, and have a plan. Keep revisiting and tweaking the plan if it’s not working. It’s a family issue, not just a Mom and Dad issue. Nobody likes fighting. Physical re-directing / Minimal talking: With younger children, simply take them by the hand and lead them where you need them to go. No need for a narrative, lectures or giving reasons. With older children, lead – don’t follow. Be the first one with your coat on, out the door and in the car. They will follow. No transitioning with the phone or tablet still playing: “I’ll hold that while you get your coat and shoes on.” Watch for natural breaks:  TV has half-hour and one-hour intervals – screens are continuous. Find the natural breaks in the game. Some games cannot be paused. Your child means it when he says, “I just have to kill one more guy.” Ask, “How much longer?” and decide if that will work. With YouTube videos, look to see where the slider is at the bottom of the screen. If it’s too long, tell the child to move it forward. Use a timer: Some kids simply do not have a strong sense of time. What does 15 minutes mean? A digital timer that counts down works wonders. It provides the child with a visual indicator of time passing.  Unplug WiFi: “If you can’t control yourself, I will have to control you for you.” As a last resort, turn off the WiFi. Remember empathy on the one hand – you know what it’s like to have to leave something you’re enjoying. But remember firm and fair as well. Life has its demands, and sometimes we need to be firm and fair about what needs to happen – for the good of everyone.

What Boys Need...The Difficult Child

What Boys Need   A newsletter from Michael Reist www.michaelreist.ca

Difficult Child. Interesting Adult. When you’re feeling frustrated about your child’s behaviour, just remember, your difficult child is going to grow up to be an interesting adult. Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Qualities that are difficult in a child might serve him well as an adult.  Stubborn = strong willed, sets goals and works toward them Defiant = is confident enough to speak honestly to authority figures Disorganized = is more interested in the big picture, not a details person Doesn’t listen = focuses well on his own projects, is able to ignore distractions Argumentative = intelligent, passionate, excellent verbal skills “Difficult” is in the eyes of the beholder. A difficult child is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be understood. All behaviour is logical. What is the deeper meaning behind the difficult behaviour? I want more freedom and control in my life. This doesn’t mean letting them have everything they want. It means giving them more freedom and control – within boundaries. I feel that no one “gets” me. What does it mean to “get” a child? It means to feel empathy for them. It means to really listen to what they’re saying. I have energy I need to burn off. Get outside. Move. Exercise. I’m bored. I don’t feel challenged. This is especially the case with highly intelligent children. I need more attention from Mom and Dad. Some children need more attention than others – within the same family. If they can’t get it in positive ways, they will get it in negative ways. Give to each according to their needs. You cannot spoil a child with love. We think of children as difficult when they do not behave in ways we like. We need to provide them with two things: freedom within structure. The 4 F’s of discipline: Few: Your list of rules should be short. These are your non-negotiables, your battles worth fighting. Put them up on the fridge door. Review them periodically. Fair: Talk about these rules as a family. What are the logical reasons behind them? Let your kids participate in this discussion rather than decreeing from above. Decide in advance what the consequences will be – ideally with buy-in from your kids. Fast: When a rule is violated, follow the “Act, don’t yak!” rule. Simply impose the consequence. No need for long sermons or lectures. Make sure the consequences have a reasonable time limit (for example, one day without the iPad), so that you can start fresh again. Firm: Listen to the push back then let it go. It’s my job to set boundaries. It’s your job to push back against them. We’re both doing our job. The daily struggle to meet the needs of a “difficult” child will be just that, a daily struggle. Take one day at a time. At the end of a bad day, rebuild the interpersonal bridge by making nurturing contact with the child. The next day, push the reset button – no grudges or references to the past. Most of all, have a sense of humour. Maybe you don’t even have a difficult child – maybe you’re a “difficult parent.” lol