What Boys Need...The Difficult Child

What Boys Need   A newsletter from Michael Reist www.michaelreist.ca

Difficult Child. Interesting Adult. When you’re feeling frustrated about your child’s behaviour, just remember, your difficult child is going to grow up to be an interesting adult. Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Qualities that are difficult in a child might serve him well as an adult.  Stubborn = strong willed, sets goals and works toward them Defiant = is confident enough to speak honestly to authority figures Disorganized = is more interested in the big picture, not a details person Doesn’t listen = focuses well on his own projects, is able to ignore distractions Argumentative = intelligent, passionate, excellent verbal skills “Difficult” is in the eyes of the beholder. A difficult child is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be understood. All behaviour is logical. What is the deeper meaning behind the difficult behaviour? I want more freedom and control in my life. This doesn’t mean letting them have everything they want. It means giving them more freedom and control – within boundaries. I feel that no one “gets” me. What does it mean to “get” a child? It means to feel empathy for them. It means to really listen to what they’re saying. I have energy I need to burn off. Get outside. Move. Exercise. I’m bored. I don’t feel challenged. This is especially the case with highly intelligent children. I need more attention from Mom and Dad. Some children need more attention than others – within the same family. If they can’t get it in positive ways, they will get it in negative ways. Give to each according to their needs. You cannot spoil a child with love. We think of children as difficult when they do not behave in ways we like. We need to provide them with two things: freedom within structure. The 4 F’s of discipline: Few: Your list of rules should be short. These are your non-negotiables, your battles worth fighting. Put them up on the fridge door. Review them periodically. Fair: Talk about these rules as a family. What are the logical reasons behind them? Let your kids participate in this discussion rather than decreeing from above. Decide in advance what the consequences will be – ideally with buy-in from your kids. Fast: When a rule is violated, follow the “Act, don’t yak!” rule. Simply impose the consequence. No need for long sermons or lectures. Make sure the consequences have a reasonable time limit (for example, one day without the iPad), so that you can start fresh again. Firm: Listen to the push back then let it go. It’s my job to set boundaries. It’s your job to push back against them. We’re both doing our job. The daily struggle to meet the needs of a “difficult” child will be just that, a daily struggle. Take one day at a time. At the end of a bad day, rebuild the interpersonal bridge by making nurturing contact with the child. The next day, push the reset button – no grudges or references to the past. Most of all, have a sense of humour. Maybe you don’t even have a difficult child – maybe you’re a “difficult parent.” lol

How to "Chunk" your Lessons

http://www.edutopia.org/blog/scaffolding-lessons-six-strategies-rebecca-alber

Edutopia shares ways to chunk lessons and then provide the tools and structures for each chunk.  Read 6 Scaffolding Strategies to Use with your Students to find out how!

Tips for Grading and Giving Feedback

What educator could not use Tips for Grading and Giving Feedback? (Edutopia)

http://www.edutopia.org/blog/grading-tips-student-feedback-heather-wolpert-gawron

How to Give Effective Feedback

"When John Hattie reviewed over 500,00 research studies, he found that feedback had more impact on student results than any other teaching strategy." (The Australian Society for Evidence Based Teaching). Learn How to Give Effective Feedback by clicking on this link.

What To Do When...You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety

In her book, Dawn Huebner teaches school-aged children cognitive-behavioral techniques to reduce and overcome anxiety, fears, and worry, through writing and drawing activities and self-help exercises.  This book includes information for parents! 

Positive Brains Are Smarter Brains

The article "Positive Brains Are Smarter Brains" gives students tools to take charge of their thoughts, feelings and even change their brain chemistry.

Positive Brains Are Smarter Brains by Donna Wilson

Explaining Death to Children

"Lifetimes" written by Bryan Mellonie and Rober Ingpen is a "beautiful way to explain death to children."